We came for the Gold ..

The story..well some of it. Idk why i only just came across this artist this year. And actually the first time i heard him was over the summer.. It was a video of kids doing amazing things..like Bruce Lee in the movies and then some.  It was the Kundalini Awakening song. Well... now in December I found out who this is. And the timing. Damn... it really took me many years to get to this point. And it started with me raising questions about the church.  I grew up Seventh Day Adventist, and it was presented to me that only they are "right" and even tho there are other churches and denominations of Christianity.......they said they were all going to hell. They were wrong. And i thought HOW IS THAT? ISN'T IT THE SAME GOD???  My god...the rabbit holes i've fell into since then.  Shit is really twisted. To be continued............

Andromedans

Da Shine - I CAME, I SAW (Praise the "Lord") Do you hear tho?

"Praise The Lord (Da Shine)"
(feat. Skepta)

[A$AP Rocky:]
Get it
Text a message I don't know the number
Flexin' on these niggas, every bone and muscle
Steady taking shots, but I'm never hurting nothing
Even then you don't worry none
And I'd like to give a shoutout to my niggas with the game plan
And shoutouts to my niggas with escape plans
Twenty bands, rain dance
We can either rain check or we can make plans
Pockets loaded, rocket loaded, okay lets rock and roll this
Time to go, lock stock and two smoking barrels
Locked and loaded, diamonds glowing, chart-climbing on 'em
You think I'm jumping out the window how I got 'em open
Line around the corner line 'em up to block and over
Times I even stop the smoking when it's time to focus

My shades Dior, my pants velour
Create, explore, expand, conquer
[Skepta:]
I came, I saw, I came, I saw
I praise the Lord, then break the law
I take what's mine, then take some more
It rains, it pours, it rains, it pours
I came, I saw, I came, I saw
I praise the Lord, then break the law
I take what's mine, then take some more
It rains, it pours, it rains, it pours

(Yeah)
I sold the pack, the loose, the hard (yeah)
I listened to X, I peeped, the bars (yeah)
The snakes, the rats, the cats, the dogs
The games, a trap, protect, your heart (yeah)
I waited in line, return, refine
The new design, it's time to shine (wo)
To shine (wo), to shine (wo), to shine (wo), to shine
I hustle, I flex, the world is mine
So please believe, allow the greaze
These niggas disease, don't speak we squeeze (squeeze)
I make the devil go weak the knees
You hate, you're lame, your loss

I came, I saw, I came, I saw
I praise the Lord, then break the law
I take what's mine, then take some more
It rains, it pours, it rains, it pours
I came, I saw, I came, I saw
I praise the Lord, then break the law
I take what's mine, then take some more
It rains, it pours, it rains, it pours

[A$AP Rocky:]
She came, I came, now what's my name?
My chain, my pants, my pants with the chain
[Skepta:]
They know it's me, the hat and the shades
They heard my voice and they ran to the stage
[A$AP Rocky:]
My vans, my braids, my mans, my babe
My girls, my ex, my hoes that I left
[Skepta:]
The way that I stepped
Out the car, that's a flex
[A$AP Rocky:]
Give thanks, get fresh
Praise the lord then finesse, bless

[Skepta:]
I came, I saw, I came, I saw
I praise the Lord, then break the law
I take what's mine, then take some more
It rains, it pours, it rains, it pours
I came, I saw, I came, I saw
I praise the Lord, then break the law
I take what's mine, then take some more
It rains, it pours, it rains, it pours

BY A$AP & FRIENDS

https://youtu.be/Kbj2Zss-5GY

what if..?

December 10th 2020

 8:48am

In another sky above the sky, I use the stars to find you..

 

Soo.. Monday night as I was in and out of sleep.. there were these letters on my computer screen in the "dream world"  ..my lazy behind didn't write down the letters (words) right away..but what i remembered was this -- Ajaste.. Aje .. Ajedase.. It was a few variations all that i was supposed to write in my damn notebook. So yea..some are missing.   Well So.. ((damn i guess my new favorite word is "so" now haha))-- i looked it up today 2 days later(today 12/9). And boy what another day of synchronicities for me. I've found several meanings.  

Look i don't really know much about Orishas and stuff like that. In fact..over the years i've tended to stay away from anything organized..such as religions, group thought..etc. But it seems these Oris are tryna find me. So.. I am keeping record now. Gotta keep it.  So anyways what i'm gonna be entering into this online journal thing is everything that comes to me during each day.  So you will see it as i get it. And these are my research points or just points for you to go. Like following stars in a sky.

So .. my notes for the day 😁😉 Or maybe for the morning or first half.  It really can be a lot. We shall see dear readers and me.

goddess Aja 

Featured snippet from the web

Aja is an Orisha, the spirit of the forest, the animals within it and herbal healers. She is a patron of the forest and all the animals within it. She holds the secrets of botany, and is a master of potions and healing herbs. 

10:23am

Another daughter of Nana is Olokun, an ocean goddess. She possesses an unfathomable wisdom and governs over an esoteric world of dreams, psychism, meditation, and healing. She guides her followers between the world of the dead and the living, preserving the memories of their ancestors.

10:58am (from my email)

Archangel Haniel's Message For You Today:

"Make an effort to breathe in deeply the cold air of the day, allowing it to awaken your body. Similarly, I will breathe into your soul to rouse your spirit."

Your Angel Number For Today:

3 -  The number of growth. Growth occurs in all seasons, although in winter we have to look for it more closely than in other seasons. Know that what is happening below the surface, despite what seems like hostile conditions, will burst forth soon. Dormancy is not an end but an integral component of growth.

Action Steps:

Spend some time outdoors today and purposely breathe the cold air in deeply.

Affirmation Of The Day:

"As I breathe in the cold winter air, I awaken my spirit."

11:23am

Olokun (Yoruba: Olóòkun) is an orisha spirit in Yoruba religion. Olokun is believed to be the parent of Aje, the orisha of great wealth and of the bottom of the ocean. ... In West African areas directly adjacent to the coast, Olokun takes a male form among his worshipers while in the hinterland, Olokun is a female deity.

        

11:37am

Uwu is an emoticon depicting a cute face. It is used to express various warm, happy, or affectionate feelings. A closely related emoticon is owo, which can more specifically show surprise and excitement. 

Ok so maybe I got to break up the day's entries?? Idk thinking out loud in written speak i guess...

Wow so MESSAGE at 11:51 am 👀

YEMANYA (YEMAYA) is the goddess of ocean and protectress of women (especially the pregnant ones) 

12:21pm (copied and pasted from some language or dictionary website. ((spanishdict.com i think)) Thanks for letting me use)

The word ajaste is the preterit form of ajar in the second person singular.

See the full ajar conjugation

ajar

to wear out

"Is the Nobody swinging the hammer, or is the hammer swinging the Nobody?"

 ❤️

"Love is the most powerful weapon of war."  

"War tears lovers asunder."

"Love and war may sit on opposite sides of the same coin, but only so they may never meet."

"The awakening man was on the way to himself."

Dec. 8th 2020

11:11 p.m.

*When 12 to 14 feet of precipitation rains down on ya each year, it's easy being green.

*This spot is within the only temperate rainforest in North America, and one of only seven in the world.

*Olympic National Park, Washington

To be Valued, to Matter, & be Loved.

Circle of Time - Events..etc Repeating out of order

11.27.20 - lil update

 Well update. So .. since September til now i lost like...30 pounds. So yea i started from the bottom and losing weight. Going somewhere...............  

Just saying so you know something is happening. 

The real thing happening tho..i dunno how to speak on yet.  Imagine some Fringe & SciFi type shit. Yup.

To Be Continued..

Demons Who Steal Time?

The Switch?

 Ok.. so this isn't so consistent. Whatever... but this thought just popped into my head. It's been a very interesting summer. Almost movie like in all ways. So much has changed world wide..drastically.  World wide and personally. I'd def gotta say.

So... personally... Shit where to start with that. Alright..how about with a comparison.  Last year this time.. i was never alone. It was either me and my daughter. Me, my daughter and my bf at the time.. Or just me and him. ALWAYS. It was very short spurts of time where I'd be alone.. definitely not enough for any self reflection or extensive self realization.         A year ago i was totally miserable with someone who didn't really step up to be my partner..as they tirelessly told me they would.  All they spoke about was finding a job...but they didn't actually obtain one. How could they? If they spent of the time with me.  I was so foolish...I had become his mother. He no longer saw me as his woman. Lol if i ever actually was.   Seeing how as he actually trashed me again this year. ..and it looks to be permanently..           

               But he left me in pieces this time. Have to admit I was so depressed over that miscarriage on Christmas..and then him being so distant, cold....just not available. Damn. That almost killed my soul.  

I wanted that baby... it's been 8 years ..and nothing. Until then. I wanted that baby, I wanted his to be able to take care of and love an extension of him in the ways he wasn't.  So energetically his line can be ok.  If you get what i'm sayin ok...if you don't sorry..you gotta feel this out.

My baby was due 8/14.

Anyways this isn't about that.. It really was just a comparison that turned into a an explanation of the state that i was in for the first few months of the year...  Matter of fact. I've been in a deep depression until the last 3 weeks.  I can now get through a day and a few days of NOT FUCKING CRYING.  

I'm about to throw in a wrench. Um I gotta say.. that major or significant shifting of my emotions started to occur after purchasing my moldavites. To be honest. I am not sure if it's my wishful thinking.. but this lil thing.. along with my lemurian seed crystal pendant.. Interesting.

Yea so personally, this is also been a very supernatural/ paranormal summer. Starting before the moldavite.  This shit kicked off when finally a video appeared to me on YouTube that was within my realm of interests.  It was about dreams...and the speaker..Bobby Hemmitt. Yup. He kicked this summer off. It was like that video opened up the portals to MY DREAMS, and the ones that occur when i sleep at night. My dreams to access the supernatural.    The dreams that i do have at night are very important to me. That is my other place of dwelling, That is a place of information...warnings... and even a vision into the future of the reality we currently reside in while awake.

So..that is just the beginning. I will definitely continue..just waiting to see how the current events will unfold so I can piece it all together and show it to you.

Starting From the Bottom Going Where?

 

Sometimes i strongly feel like checking outta here permanently. It's the stabbing whatever the fuck hurt you wanna call it that my body feels from the heart from head to toe..to my fucking soul..........that pushes those thoughts.  Just for some damn pain relief...and to be a bother to others no more.  

My heart is unwell. My mind too full and scattered. My body...totally closed. Food makes me sick. What is this all about?

Many things. Transparency is the goal...but in the moment it feels so hard. Because this might be seen and exposed.  The exposing of a wreck. Of a weak and vulnerable..........   Why does vulnerability equal to weakness in anyone's eyes?  It is in certain times indeed a strength to reveal none... However, in actuality..vulnerability could be one of the greatest strengths of all.  

So my goal is to be vulnerable, to be open, to be clear... Vulnerable in the sense that in the end my love for you will win. I have love for you and I want you to be yourself...even if that means it's gonna gut my core..

Any aggressiveness or abrasiveness is simply or complicatedly for feelings preservation. My feelings...keeping contained or 'strong" for so long...got me all cracked up and breaking down. I am in human form..so I'm only human going through human emotions. My force doesn't mean i care less. Self expression for me is difficult.  So many years i spent not actually verbalizing much....and internalizing everything. This is like learning to speak and express again. Seriously.  Hopefully things can change for better........

August 22nd 2020 - The shit gotta be cut. Fuck the cake.

 People say it's bad taste to share these types of things publicly.. but i'm sharing because this is real, this exists, and i feel like it shouldn't be continuously swept under the rug. I won't allow it. Certain accountability has to be taken. It is hard to face the hard things....but why not?  Why is it ok to suffer in silence? For either side...why is a zipped mouth the standard. And fake togetherness. The shit gotta be cut. Fuck the cake.

I have an extreme pet peeve. Well it itself isn't extreme..it's my dislike that is so strong.  So... i absolutely have an issue with absentee biological parents being delusional in the sense that...when the mood strikes them- they feel as if they can press you, insult you, and disrespect. All in the name of they are the elder and "parent"             I don't bow simply for that. Someone was sadly mistaken.  All my life this person didn't check on me or be a consistent figure.  Not even as I went through some of my hardest trials...which was literally a life and death situation. This man never even gave a thought. My shy social anxiety ass even reached out to him several times and he told me, he was too busy to talk to me. Seriously.  The person who impregnated my mom basically. Then changed his mind since some woman planted questionable seeds. Abandoned me my whole life... then in my early 20s tried to turn me against my mother. And NOW, he hunts me down for his wife and a dna test. Crazy shit. He's not too busy now to bother me about insignificant things.    Then he doesn't even answer the hard questions. Maybe i come across too abrasive, but that shouldn't matter..because like he told me this statement it applies to him very much so "he was asking for it"

So the hard truth for me really is just realizing that he doesn't care, and most likely never did.  Any boohoo speech made is only for his guilty conscience and to delude himself.  The men in my life disregard and trash me.. and it all started with my "father." The donor of my life.

Well I have my mom, whom I did not, and still do not always get a long with. But she is a strong figure in my corner. Both of my grandmothers as well. My mama (mom's mom) does everything..and she is the most caring.  My grandmother in Tobago which is my absentee parent's mother...she did her best to maintain a connection with me all of those years. It was only her face that I saw from that side of the family.  She came around, and always made sure I was loved.

I don't know what i'm doing with this blog.  Not at all. But i wanna work out my thoughts and see them. The only thing that can keep up with the fast flowing thoughts of my mind are my typing fingers... as opposed to my writing hand..

 And it's ok if you see them too. (all the thoughts) So you can be ok.  I'm sharing my struggles so you know you can rise.  And so i can believe we can......... Maybe one day things will make sense. Even to me.

July 26th 2020 - 6 years

Hey.. So it's been almost 6 years.  And I haven't been compelled to write. Until well.. now. Not with any specific thought or topic in mind. Just saying hello. That a lot has happened.  Oh my and it seems that my wish of rain is about to be granted!  I hear rumbles of thunder and finally feel a relief of cool air other than the hot one blowing out of this purple fan here.

What's new? Well I have a CAT. Yes.. His name is Sox. Adopted Tuxedo baby from another family. This was not planned. He came into the family December 24th, 2020.  My love 😊 (I'll add a picture of him soon, once I get familiar with this laptop, and this website again.)

I love typing as opposed to writing my thoughts sometimes.. because my fingers can definitely keep up with the furious flow of my mind..  Damn...it feels so good to be able to do this again. My body is happy. Lol especially my fingers right now. They type damn dumb fast. Haha

Done now, don't feel like it anymore. Wanna go do some more research or something. Just fighting this heat right now too. That's another daily battle. But hey, I chose to go the route of no AC.